The Art of Trolling
by Hekateras
Summary: Post-Reichenbach: Moriarty is still alive, and hacks into John's blog again. Big time.


A/N: Inspired by Garmonbozia's excellent MoriartyLives!fics.

Russian translation by Hexachrome: www. diary. ru / ~sherlockbbc/ p172084437 .htm

Russian translation by S is for Sibyl: diary . ru / ~ sherlockbbc / p172268701 .htm

Chinese translation by wateversun: www. mtslash viewthread .php?tid=35849

Chinese sequel: www. mtslash viewthread .php?tid=35964

Polish translation by zuzka2112: (fanfiction dot net) /s/8475643/1/Sztuka_Trollowania

* * *

><p><strong>The Blog of Dr. John Watson<strong>

16th June:

**Untitled**

He was my best friend and I'll always believe in him.

**Comments disabled**

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><p><strong>Comments:<strong>

* * *

><p>Hi sexy, it's me again. I'm bored. Let's play.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **29 June 15:23**

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><p>I didn't actually shoot myself in the face, you know. Obviously.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June 12:20**

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><p>I've got your adorable conversation with Johnny-boy recorded on my phone, you know. Maybe I'll post it to Youtube.<p>

****Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June** 12: 34  
><strong>

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><p>"I want you to tell Lestrade, tell Mrs. Hudson, tell Molly – in fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I INVENTED Moriarrrteeeee for MY OWN P URPOSESSS"<p>

****Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June** 12:36  
><strong>

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><p>And so forth. Amirite?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June 12:40**

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><p>But seriously.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 1 July 16:29 **

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><p>Come on. It was only a six-story building. I know you're out there somewhere.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 5 July 05:20 **

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><p>SO. BORED.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 6 July 11:11**

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><p>I know you're reading this, Sherlock.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **26 July 18:20**

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><p>Well, I'm assuming you're reading this. None of my men have actually been able to spot you.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **26 July 18:49**

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><p>You're good.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **27 July 15:10**

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><p>Or you're really dead.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **28 July** **12:00**

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><p>Okay, okay, I'll be the first to admit my plan was a little short-sighted. You've made your point. Can we go back to playing now?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **2 August 12:29**

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><p>What am I supposed to do now, Sherlock? Have a little empathy, for Chrissakes.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 5 August 19:22**

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><p>Yeah, I know. Pot and kettle and all that. Guilty as charged.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)** **6 August 13:58**

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><p>(Unless the Old Bailey's involved. LOL :3<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 6 August 14:00**

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><p>Tell you what: I'll keep it just between the two of us. It'll be like the good old days. Just between you and me. Nobody else involved.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 12 August 16:50**

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><p>Oh, come on. Is THAT why you're not replying? You're worried about your friends?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 August 14:11**

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><p>That's just ridiculous. The deal was "Jump and I won't kill all your friends", not "Jump and die and stay dead and I won't kill all your friends". Listening comprehension, plz?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 August 14:24**

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><p>Sebby tells me I did actually tell you to kill yourself. Which, he tells me, implies dying. And staying dead.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 August 15:52**

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><p>But then Sebby's an insufferable pedant.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 August 16:00**

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><p>Comes with the profession, I suppose.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 August 17:33**

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><p>Sebby's a hell of a sniper, I mean. Used to venture into the jungle and track down tigers.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 17 August 16:42**

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><p>Not easy to compete with that sort of background, but I keep him occupied.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 17 August 20:02**

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><p>I kept him on Johnny-boy in case the other guy messed up. Can never be sure with foreigners.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 18 August 14:21**

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><p>Do you know they actually gave him a shock blanket? John, I mean.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 18 August 18:21**

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><p>An orange one.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 August 14:01**

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><p>But I suppose it makes sense. He was all... wobbly.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 August 14:23**

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><p>Could hardly keep him in the crosshairs, Seb tells me.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 August 14:32**

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><p>Wink wink nudge nudge<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 August 14:55**

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><p>COME ON!11<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 30 August 15:29**

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><p>Oh. "I believe in Sherlock Holmes". How cute.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 5 September 10:00**

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><p>This is getting absurd.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 30 September 17:20**

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><p>So. bored. Bored. BORED!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 October 20:10**

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><p>I'm starting to sound like you aren't I?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 October 20:12**

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><p>This is FATE.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 October 20:13**

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><p>Do you know how hard it is to find a decent challenge around here?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 October 21:11**

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><p>I mean, sure, I could go and plot out all sorts of cunningly elegant schemes for terrorists and political groups and the like, but nobody would even NOTICE.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 October 21:17**

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><p>What's the point of being a criminal genius if there's nobody to appreciate you?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 October 21:22**

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><p>I might just go and kill myself soon.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 20 October 01:12**

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><p>Honestly.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 20 October 02:52**

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><p>For real.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 20 October 04:21**

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><p>You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 22 October 11:12**

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><p>...Would you?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 October 12:01**

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><p>Sherlock?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 27 October 07:12**

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><p>I mean, I thought we had a special something going on there.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 29 October 23:31**

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><p>You were ready to outright throttle me. On a rooftop.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 30 October 00:24**

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><p>It doesn't get much kinkier than that.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 30 October 00:33**

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><p>TRICK OR TREAT!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 31 October 21:00**

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><p>It's been four months. I'm disappointed in you, ordinary Sherlock. I really thought you'd be starting to show signs of life by now. Halloween would've been perfect.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 4 November 19:01**

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><p>There's a hole where a thorn in my side used to be.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 10 November 21:05**

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><p>Look, I'll say it again: Just the two of us. Nobody else. No... collateral damage.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 20 November 19:01**

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><p>You want me to promise it?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 November 15:21**

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><p>Fine.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 November 19:01**

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><p>I promise I won't involve anyone you know in our games.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 November 19:05**

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><p>Happy?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 26 November 12:25**

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><p>Okay, fine, maybe I don't across as the most trustworthy type of person.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 December**** 11:01**

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><p>Sebby reminds me that the term is "changeable".<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 December**** 11:05**

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><p>What would I do without him?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 December**** 11:12**

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><p>Find someone else, probably.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 December**** 11:20**

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><p>Merry Christmas, sugar! Don't catch your death out there, wherever you are. I'm not done playing with you!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 December**** 17:01**

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><p>Sebby tells me some of our agents in the Netherlands have been having problems. Was that you?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 28 December**** 19:24**

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><p>Please tell me it was you.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 29 December**** 10:10**

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><p>HAPPY NEW YEAR!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 31 December**** 23:59**

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><p>Here's my NY's resolution: Play with Sherlock Holmes again! :) :) :P<p>

****Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 1 January ****00:04****

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><p>Okay, you should know by now that I removed the inside man we had in Lestrade's office. How's that for a gesture of goodwill?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 30 January**** 11:55**

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><p>Sebby says "goodwill" sounds funny when I say it.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 2 February**** 15:21**

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><p>I've been rehearsing these out loud before posting them, you see.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 2 February**** 15:25**

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><p>I want everything to be perfect for you. :)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 2 February**** 15:29**

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><p>Happy Valentine's Day, Virgin! Mwah mwah mwah! :3<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 14 February**** 14:14**

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><p>Do you wish to see a grown man beg?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 20 February**** 15:21**

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><p>I'm not above it, you know.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 28 February**** 11:26**

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><p>You jumped off a rooftop for me. I'm willing to make concessions.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 29 February**** 19:00**

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><p>Please.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 3 March**** 15:21**

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><p>PLEEASSSE.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 9 March**** 11:25**

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><p>Pretty plEAASSSE with a cherry on top!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 15 March**** 18:55**

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><p>I haven't shaved in a month, my fingernails are in horrible shape and I'm pretty sure I've put on weight.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 29 March**** 15:11**

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><p>It's all your fault.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 1 April**** 20:00**

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><p>No, really.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 2 April**** 11:24**

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><p>Teh boredom. It HURTS.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 5 April**** 12:45**

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><p>You're driving me to desperation, Sherlock.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 April**** 15:00**

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><p>You know what happens when I get desperate.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 April**** 18:01**

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><p>answwwer meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 28 April**** 20:00**

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><p>It's almost a year.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 5 May**** 12:25**

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><p>How about a date? :P<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 8 May**** 13:42**

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><p>To celebrate our anniversary of mutually driving each other to suicide.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 9 May**** 17:40**

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><p>Except, you know, not.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 9 May**** 18:25**

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><p>I'm thinkin dinner, candles...<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 10 May**** 12:21**

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><p>...explosives...<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 10 May**** 12:29**

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><p>Do you like Celine Dion?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 12 May**** 18:59**

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><p>I like singing in the shower.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 14 May**** 15:42**

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><p>Maybe we can sing in the shower together sometime.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 16 May**** 19:15**

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><p>Lots of sharp things in there. ;)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 19 May**** 11:28**

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><p>Today is the day!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:00**

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><p>I've got the whole evening planned out.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:00**

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><p>You know what happens tonight?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:02**

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><p>Tonight we dine in HELL!1<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:05**

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><p>That had to come out. Sorry!<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:10**

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><p>You see what you've done to me?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:12**

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><p>But come on now.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:16**

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><p>Midnight.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 10:27**

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><p>I'll be at the place where the Russian killer died yesterday under "mysterious circumstances".<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 11:02**

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><p>IfyouknowwhatImean<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 11:03**

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><p>;)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 11:05**

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><p>I've managed to procure an old-fashioned phonograph. Genuine.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 12:21**

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><p>For the classic "the bomb explodes when the recording stops" kind of trap, you know.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 12:35**

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><p>One of Bach's pieces. I think you'll like it. :)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 12:48**

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><p>What do you care if it explodes? Well, I hate spoilers, but I really ought to mention:<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 12:50**

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><p>John'll be here too. ;)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 13:00**

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><p>I warned you: desperation makes me retreat into tired old cliches.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 14:01**

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><p>I'd get your little dog too, but you don't have a little dog, and Lestrade's boring.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 14:31**

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><p>You should get one.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 14:44**

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><p>I had to gag him, you know. Filthy army mouth and all.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 14:51**

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><p>Such fire, though! Must've been hard on you, not seeing him for a year.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 14:57**

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><p>(Unless you've been stalking him, I suppose.)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:00**

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><p>Except there's not much point to this if you're dead.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:02**

* * *

><p>And, by extension, not much point to John.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:05**

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><p>Johnny.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:08**

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><p>So let me know if you're coming by, like, 10pm.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:12**

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><p>Because otherwise I might get bored and start playing the music early.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:32**

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><p>And then try to salvage what's left of my evening.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:37**

* * *

><p>(You can be horribly selfish like that.)<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 15:52**

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><p>It's funny. I explained to him what I'm doing. He's strapped to a chair and loaded with bombs again, but he's just so <em>hopeful<em>. Happiest he's been in months, probably.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 16:01**

* * *

><p>Heartbreaking, really.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 16:02**

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><p>You do still have a heart, don't you, Sherlock? ^_~<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 16:15**

* * *

><p>Well?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 18:32**

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><p>I'm waiting.<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 18:54**

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><p>I said 10 pm, didn't I?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 19:31**

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><p>Did I also mention I'm changeable?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 19:46**

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><p>Cutting it kind of close, aren't you?<p>

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**** 25 May**** 20:25**

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><p>Trick or treat.<p>

**SH**** 25 May**** 21:00**


End file.
